I have multiple mental illnesses that I need to work on (BPD, Adjustment Disorder, Depression, GAD/SAD, and apparently I have a penchant for substance abuse and self-destructive behaviour). I need to be home where I have people to take care of me when I can’t. I want to get better, and maybe afterwards, I can return to Ottawa or go someplace else. Right now, however, I feel like being home would be a good thing, a healthy thing. Also, I feel being home would also give me the opportunity to work out my beliefs, which are, right now, being put on hold except for my first ever Sabbat. Though I do not identify with Wicca, I do recognize the Sabbats and magick in general — however, as I am searching for nature-based faiths that focus more on earth and plants, my interpretation is terribly different from many I have come across.

Speaking of nature-based faith, I have nicknamed myself a Green-Reclaiming Pagan. 
Green = because of green witchcraft and magick
Reclaiming = because I identify with the faith
Pagan = because if all else fails, I’m still a pagan
I wanted to fit ‘Dianic’ someplace in that, but Reclaiming definitely covers my feminist ideals. Actually, I probably could: Green-Dianic-Reclaiming Pagan … So, basically, Reclaiming (minus getting arrested for political activism … some day, probably)

I’m trying to find a place on my own. It’s impossible. d;glkajfg;lksjdfg
I know it would be terrible for my mental well being to be alone, but I truly think I need this. Really, really, really need it.

I also don’t want to live with people who would judge me and get angry if I practice my faith and talk about it. It’s hard here, because I don’t really want to tell anyone just yet. Anyways … I know I don’t post, but there are huge things going on and I feel really disconnected from whatever spirituality I felt when I made this blog. I need to work on keeping myself alive and finish this year before I make any decisions. 

I love my Occult class! The prof is amazing and every class feels like coming home!

So I said, “Yeah, stupid hairless monkeys,” referring to the general human populace. My mother said “Hey, feel bad for them, they’re hairless”! She thought I meant a literally hairless money!!! I couldn’t stop laughing! I’m laughing again, lol.